It’s been a while since I last posted- roughly 9 months. A lot has happened since I stopped writing regularly back in 2020. I’ve gained back a ton of weight, more than I’ve ever weighed, so I’m feeling very ashamed.
I found out the allergy medication Singulair (or montelukast) made my depression a lot worse, so there’s something I didn’t know. My psychiatrist informed me that could happen after my primary doctor prescribed it for my awful allergies.
I’ve got to find a way to lose at least some of this weight. I’m scared of what might happen if I don’t. I’m in my 40’s now, so I don’t have time on my side. I started this blog 6 years ago already! I took quite a long break, but going back to work after being a stay-at-home mom makes for less writing time, ya know?
My oldest son is graduating this June, turned 18 recently and has his first and possibly only girlfriend. They got serious fast and plan on marriage at some point. Time goes so quickly! My youngest is 6 (and a half! he yells, if I forget that part) and it’s almost time for another summer break.
I’m having some hard times thinking about how my 1st baby is graduating already. When did he grow up? Ok, I’m not saying he has matured, but he has grown to adulthood. Stupid TikTok doesn’t help when the sappy music comes on and the video cuts to little kids graduating from 4K, then they show them as a graduate with the cap and gown from high school.
My ADHD is kicking in here. I feel like I’m all over the place every day of my life, along with in this post.
So, back to the depression and weight gain. I have binge eating disorder, but I haven’t binged in a long time. My weight gain is caused by what I eat. Trash, junk, garbage food- whatever you call it, it’s not good for me.
I get a lot of steps in at my job, but I only work 3 days a week, and the rest of the week is pretty sedentary. Now that the weather in this Northern Hemisphere is warming up, maybe I can move around more outside? Maybe.
With everything that’s going on in the United States, it’s no surprise that my mood has not been the best. Everything seems to be falling to pieces (to put it lightly). There’s got to be something that can get my ass up and going to shed some pounds, although I know eating disorder recovery isn’t about losing weight, it’s about healing the mind and body.
I try to look at the positive in life, but there are certain times (which have been quite a bit recently) where I just don’t want to be awake at the end of the day and I go to bed early with my little guy. When the day is close to being done, so am I.
Hopefully sometime this year I can move toward happiness and eating better. It just takes so much, ya know?
