What does it mean to you when someone says they’re “getting clean”? Does it make you think of a drug addict? An alcoholic, perhaps? Maybe they just want to take a shower…
I’m Getting Clean
While I write this, I am on Day 4 of clean eating, and by that I mean I have cut out sugar and white flour, finally.
I have been playing around with my food, thinking I could eat foods with a little sugar here and there (like honey).
Nope. Can’t do it.
When I eat food with any kind of sugar or sweet flavoring, my brain craves more and more, even if the food is considered healthy.
And don’t get me started on the white flour! Oh, man. I could devour anything made of white flour, sugar, egg, or whatever else that makes it taste so good.
Honesty
I’m finally back to being honest with myself about my disease. I can’t play around with food anymore. Finally getting clean with food is huge! There are so many foods I have cut out of my life.
I don’t want to think too far into the future because I can get very impatient thinking about what happiness awaits me, but the sugar cravings are already starting to subside after just 4 days!
Cravings
White flour makes me crave sugar. My new mindset is that I need to think carefully about what I put in my body.
We have far too many pre-packaged, processed foods in this country. They are very convenient, of course, which is part of the reason they are so popular.
Healthy food is neither convenient nor cheap (usually), which makes it harder to justify eating it with the busy lives we lead. What I mean is, it takes time to prepare healthy foods, and it costs more than the alternatively cheap food I had been eating.
I’ve been more aware of what my boys are eating since the beginning of this road to recovery. I’m pretty proud of myself for making the choice to forego store-bought baby food and prepare fresh, (mainly) organic food for our youngest.
The old me would’ve chosen to just buy his baby food from the store as I did for our 12-year-old. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with buying baby food ready-made. Our oldest has turned out just fine.
I have no problem with parents who buy baby food, I just want to take a moment to pat myself on the back for actually following through with my decision to make all of his food at home.
My husband can attest to the fact that I tend to make decisions on the fly, only to give up on them later. I then tend to move on to the next shiny new object that comes my way.
An Escape No More
I blame my depression and eating disorder on why I am always seeking change and random new ideas because I don’t like the way I feel at any given moment.
If I don’t want to feel a certain way, I dream up ways to divert my attention away from it, ignore it, and hope it goes away on its own.
That’s also why I ate the way I did, trying to escape the feelings of hopelessness, boredom, uncertainty, guilt, self-disgust, or just plain old regular depression.
My Truth
I think of clean eating as spraying each and every piece of food with some sort of disinfectant. Lysol tends to work best.
Totally kidding, of course.
No, I define it as eating food that is both healthy and doesn’t trigger a binge. There are healthy foods I could potentially eat, but knowing they will cause a binge, I stay away from them.
The change in my eating had been very uncomfortable in the beginning, but already I’m seeing the difference in myself.
I actually don’t give sugar much thought now, and since I have a super supportive husband, when he brings home treats he doesn’t let me see them as he walks in, and then he hides them right away while I look away.
Related: Are A You Compulsive Overeater?
It feels SO good to be working toward such an important goal!
I used to look forward to each meal with unbridled enthusiasm, like a kid in a candy store. Now, I’m starting to look at the foods I put into my body in a whole different way.
I’m finally getting clean with food. My food is for nutrition and energy.
Period.
That’s it.
I’m starting to find joy in other aspects of my life. I notice the little things again. It’s weird to say that after such a short amount of time, but it’s true! When I don’t have food clogging up my brain, it lets in other more important ideas, gratitude, and love.
I get to spend my days with my baby boy, and by not thinking about eating constantly I can put my entire focus on him and all the new things he’s learning and doing each day. It’s so awesome to see him growing and changing!
Final Thoughts On Getting Clean
Well, I’m not sure I got my point across, but I hope you got at least something out of it, no matter how small.
Be thankful for the little things in your life.
Take a moment and think about your life and what you are thankful for. I’m not talking about Thanksgiving-off-the-top-of-your-head-because-you-just-want-to-eat thankful. I mean really, truly thankful. What’s something that seems to have fallen by the wayside that you haven’t acknowledged but has made a big impact on your life?
Now smile.
If you couldn’t come up with something to be thankful for (though I sincerely hope that isn’t the case), you can use the fact that my post is over.
You’re welcome. 🙂
