I’m giving up the scale. Stepping on the scale multiple times a day and expecting a significant weight change is insane. We give the number on the scale far too much power. It’s just that- a number.
Numbers can have great power. They can make us extremely happy, like winning the lottery, or they can ruin our day, like the number on the scale.
Eating disorders are (obviously) focused on disordered food behaviors. The majority of people with an eating disorder (and even without an eating disorder) spend far too much time worrying about what the scale tells us.
Related: Improve Your Body Image and Mental Health: Take the Challenge
Some Wise Words About Giving Up the Scale…
Get off the scale! I have yet to see a scale that can tell you how enchanting your eyes are. I have yet to see a scale that can show you how wonderful your hair looks when the sun shines its glorious rays on it. I have yet to see a scale that can thank you for your compassion, sense of humor, and contagious smile. Get off the scale because I have yet to see one that can admire you for your perseverance when challenged in life.
― Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free
I realized today that I haven’t written about my journey in a while. I brainstorm every few weeks about what I’m going to write in the upcoming weeks, but I never really think about my own progress.
I guess I’ve been putting off writing about where I’m at in my eating disorder journey because I haven’t been making much progress.
We are our own worst critics, am I right? I seem to forget that.
I would never think about someone else what I think about myself.
I have frustrating thoughts rolling around in my head daily about why my weight isn’t headed in the direction I want or thinking I’m a failure because I can’t do this on my own.
I Have An Eating Disorder
Over the last 3-4 weeks, I have accepted the fact that I have an eating disorder.
Yes, I know that’s crazy seeing as how I started this blog almost five months ago with the sole purpose of chronicling my journey to recovery from, you know…an eating disorder.
I guess I’ve been living in denial and not even realizing it. Intellectually I knew what was wrong with me, but deep down, I didn’t want to believe it.
It has taken me 5 years time from when my psychiatrist told me about binge eating disorder, to realize he was telling me that I had it, and finally accepting this as my fate.
But, how did I get an eating disorder?
Hmm..that made it sound like eating disorders are contagious.
“Yeah, I was on the subway today and contracted an eating disorder… If only I’d washed my hands, dang it!”
Why I’m Giving Up The Scale
Why now? What made me decide to finally give up the scale?
Well, I’ll tell you. It’s the insanity and obsession with the number on the scale staring back at me, taunting me.
I always thought it was only people with anorexia and/or bulimia that were so focused on their weight. I thought it was only those people that were discouraged from seeing their weight at the doctor’s office.
Binge eating disorder is obviously in my medical chart, yet no one discourages me from looking at my weight when I’m at the doctor’s office. Why is that?
I’m taking matters into my own hands and taking a stand against my eating disorder. I’m not going to weigh myself for as far into the future as I can see.
I sometimes fantasize about smashing our glass scale on the back step and jumping up and down on the shards of glass (while wearing sensible footwear, of course).
Ok, jumping up and down is a bit optimistic. Me trying to jump is like a penguin trying to fly- it just ain’t gonna happen.
How about I stomp around like an angry elephant on the glass whilst yelling profanities?
Yes, that’s more like it.
Giving Up Control
How will I know if I’m headed in the right direction with my weight loss?
You know what? That is none of my concern.
Did I decide to get healthy by losing weight? Yes. However, getting healthy from an eating disorder is different, and I didn’t truly get it until now.
The health I’m yearning for is mental health. While longing for the perfect body and the perfect life, I’m missing out on what’s happening right in front of me. I’m distracted from what truly matters.
Related: 18 Life-Changing Lessons Learned From My Eating Disorder
Mental Health Comes First
I want to be healthy, both mentally and physically. Who doesn’t?
So, how do I get there?
First I need to focus on getting my mental health straightened out. My depression is well managed right now, so I can check that off my list. (Yay!)
On to my eating disorder. I have some things I need to say to it:
- You will not control me forever.
- I will live a happy life despite you.
- I will recover.
Unlike physical health problems, there is no cure for mental health disorders. They can be managed with medication, therapy, and support, but there is no actual cure.
Related: The Ultimate Beginner’s Guide to Mental Health Therapy
Not Focusing On Weight
Not focusing on my weight will make me more in tune with recovering my mind first. Once recovery happens, the physical transformation will fall into place.
By giving up the scale and not obsessing about the numbers, the real healing can begin.
Final Thoughts
Giving up the scale for me is powerful. It means I won’t settle for being a slave to my eating disorder. I won’t obsess over every little tenth of a pound (or more) that I’ve gained or lost on any given day.
I didn’t weigh myself when I gained all the weight back after having my youngest baby boy because I knew that I was hurting myself. I knew that if I ignored the numbers on the scale, somehow it wasn’t real. I could go on living in denial.
This is different. I’m eating for nutrition, with adequate portions, and focusing on bettering my mental health. I have a wonderful support system in place and know what I need to do if I start to slip. I am also willing (most of the time) to use the tools I have in place when needed.
I’m not saying I’m eating perfectly with every bite, but I am aware of my food and feelings around what I’m eating. I’m working on it.
I’m not living in denial any more. It’s quite the opposite- I’m completely aware of the food I’m putting into my body, and I’m happy with my choices- most of the time.
That’s all I can ask of myself.
If you’d like to share my story, I’d really appreciate you sharing this on Pinterest! (Pin is below)
Read next:
- What Is Your Reason For Recovery?
- The Truth About Binge Eating Disorder
- My Eating Disorder Recovery Journey: A Year Later
- Getting Clean with Food
- A Journey to Recovery from Binge Eating Disorder
- How To Develop A Food Plan You Can Live With
Interesting share. I find I go through phrases of weighing myself and then using change in dress size as a tracker. I think that is what I look at the scales as a way to track. I’ve sometimes weight myself weekly, however, find I can feel the changes. It sure feels more positive to feel well than look at the scale and see an increase instead of a decline. With you on recovering the mind first, physical changes follow. Look forward to following your journey.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting, Angela! I definitely used the scale as a way to track if I was “good” any given week or not. Trying to get out of the “good” and “bad” mentality. 🙂
Inspiring story. Daily weigh-ins can be a valuable tool in understanding where you are in terms of a goal. But for me, and for many others, it can also become a source of anxiety and frustration. Thanks for sharing ♥️ ♥️ Let me know if you are interested in doing collabs! xx
Yes, I definitely understand wanting to know if you’re on track with weight loss goals. I’ve done that too many times to count over my years of trying to lose weight. Not weighing myself feels so freeing, so I know it’s the right decision for me. Thanks for taking the time to comment!
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I definitely need to give up the scale. I don’t have an eating disorder (that I know of) but I have packed on the pounds since my last pregnancy and am now trying to lose that weight. But getting on the scale every day (or multiple times a day) is very discouraging at times. Thanks for the article
It would at the very least be a good experiment to see if you feel better about yourself by not worrying so much about what the scale says. I know it really helps me! Thanks for the comment, Jennifer!
Fantastic story you have. It’s so hard for us to accept that our actions are wrong, and we need to fix them. I commend you for figuring out there is a problem, admitting it, and making the changes to be a better you. That is a big deal, and you need to know that. Not everyone can put themselves out there and be vulnerable. I wish you the best luck in your journey. You are amazing, and you’re going to do amazing things! <3
Aw, thank you so much- you’re so sweet! I’m definitely a work in progress. 🙂