How would you describe how it feels to be fat to someone who has never been? I think it might be a bit like trying to describe a scene to a blind person.
First, a Back Story…
The first time I realized I was gaining too much weight was in high school. I looked down while sitting at my desk in my Algebra 2 class and saw a roll of fat through my light pink shirt. I was horrified, wondering how it got there.
My weight started to climb when I was a junior in high school, which obviously coincided with driving to school instead of walking. I had been walking about 8-10 miles a week and wondered how I was gaining weight. Man, I was dumb back then. If I could go back, I would tell myself to just keep walking.
Related: The #1 Problem with Binge Eating Disorder
Fast forward to college and all the crap I ate. I ate like a kid whose parents were out of town for the weekend. I devoured whatever wasn’t nailed down, as long as it wasn’t a vegetable. I ate portion sizes I don’t even want to think about.
Then came the final stretch. My upward climb toward the heaviest I had ever been. I hit that number a few years ago and knew I had to do something drastic.
The Present
I gained weight pretty quickly after our youngest was born last summer. So quickly, in fact, that I often now feel off balance. Don’t get me started on getting up from the floor after playing with the baby! (Think elephant climbing out of a pool.)
Yeah, Ok…But How Does it Feel?
For me, I feel trapped inside my body, like life is passing me by.
My feet hurt when I get up.
My back hurts from compensating for my fat stomach.
My knees crack when I walk, more when I use stairs.
I feel like a big pile of uselessness.
I can’t sit in a normal sized chair with arm rests.
I’m pretty sure I broke our reclining couch from, you know, sitting on it.
I feel unsteady when I walk up and down the stairs.
Seat belts barely fit around me.
My clothes are too tight because I got rid of all of my big clothes when I swore I’d never be back here.
I can’t stop thinking about cereal! (Yes, that doesn’t explain the feeling, but it’s true right now.)
I have a hard time tying my own shoes and cutting my toenails.
It takes a LOT of energy to get up off of the floor.
The floor creaks under my weight when it doesn’t for the rest of my family.
My ankles are swollen by the end of the day.
My wedding ring doesn’t fit anymore. (I had it resized smaller when I lost the weight before.)
I can’t walk very far because of my stupid feet.
So, of Course, This Makes Me Wonder…
Did gravity get stronger? Of course not.
Stupid food.
Read next:
- The Truth About Binge Eating Disorder
- How To Deal With Food Addiction Relapse
- 19 Alternatives to Eating (When You’re Not Hungry But REALLY Want to Eat)
- Antidepressants And Suicidal Thoughts: What You Need To Know
- Why Do You Overeat?
- How To Develop A Food Plan You Can Live With
I second all of this. I know for me, ordinary things like standing, holding myself upright in a chair, getting dressed, they are all so difficult and exhausting that it’s hard to have energy to do extra things during the day. When I was younger, I used to fantasize about giving my sister a fat suit for a day so that she could understand what it would be like. Apart from having to carry around a couple of people constantly, there is also worrying about fitting into seats, between spaces, knocking things off surfaces as you walk past.
Exactly.