The Truth About Binge Eating Disorder

What is the truth about binge eating disorder? Much like other mental disorders such as depression and anxiety, eating disorders are not often talked about in the open, other than with a medical professional.

I had never heard of binge eating disorder until a few years ago when my doctor brought it up. He asked me a multitude of questions regarding my relationship with food. My answers to 99% of the questions he asked were yes!

How did he know about my strange relationship with food and eating?

No surprise here, but as it turns out, I wasn’t the only one out there with a strange compulsion towards food.

Part of recovery is facing what you have. I feel that part of my recovery is laying it all out on the line, but first, let’s take a look at some myths and facts regarding binge eating disorder.

Binge Eating Disorder is NOT:

• stuffing yourself every once in a while
• emotional eating
• lack of willpower
• a choice
• affecting only females
• associated with purging or excessive exercise
• caused by parents or genetics
• made up
• an excuse to overeat

Binge Eating Disorder IS:

• a psychological disorder
• an addiction
• uncontrollable, compulsive behavior
• recognized as an eating disorder in 2013
• fatal if left untreated

There are many symptoms of binge eating disorder. Not everyone has all of the symptoms, nor does everyone have the same symptoms as everyone else, necessarily.

This is very personal and hard to write, but it’s important for me to get out for recovery purposes. Also, reading this might encourage someone else with like-symptoms to realize that they might have a problem.

The following are my symptoms.

(My symptoms are improving now that I’m taking action, so some of these are in the past.)

Eating Foods Uncontrollably

If it was in the house and something I couldn’t stop thinking about, I would eat most, if not all of it. It didn’t matter if it was sugary, salty, doughy, or other- I’d eat it. Most of the foods I can’t control are loaded with carbs.

I Don’t WANT to Eat

If I could, I would only eat the healthy foods my body needs, and only for nourishment, not for taste or how it makes me feel. It’s not about “comfort foods” or “emotional eating”. It’s a compulsion, something I have to do. My mind keeps telling me, “Eat more, eat it all!” All the while, I feel guilty, self-loathsome, and disgusted with myself.

Eating in Secret

I used to sneak food all the time when I was little. My eating in secret carried on into adulthood.

When I was working I used to eat in my car at lunch (before I became a stay-at-home mom again) so others wouldn’t see the amount and what I was eating.

I felt I would be judged by anyone and everyone who saw me eating because of how big I was and the junk I was putting into my body. I would rarely carry the cup with the fast food or restaurant’s name on it back into work because that would give away where I had eaten, and in my mind, I would be judged.

Eating “Normal” in Front of Others

I didn’t think it was odd that I made up for eating an appropriate amount of food in front of others by binging later- until I was diagnosed. I would, however, wonder how anyone could eat so little and not be starving an hour later.

Eating Fast and as Much as I Could in a Short Period of Time

I wanted to “numb out”, and when I had food in my mouth, I wasn’t focused on my depression and life’s problems.

Rarely Actually Hungry

I wouldn’t go very long between meals and snacks. Since food was always on my mind, I couldn’t wait to eat again, it was something that made me happy even if only short-term.

Morbid Obesity

Knowing that I was gaining weight didn’t deter me from compulsively overeating. I have willpower, but it’s no match for this disease. Stepping on the scale is always a wake-up call, but the call is never answered.

Anger and Depression

Why can’t I just be normal? Why did I have to develop such a terrible disorder? It’s not a choice to be this way.

The Vicious Cycle

The more I feel depressed, the more I eat, and the more I eat, the more depressed I feel.

Related: The Incredible Benefits of Writing a Letter to Yourself

Wishing it Away

I hit a certain weight and realized I couldn’t control what I was doing. I faced the fact that I would never be “normal” again. I frequently wished I could change bodies with my sister, as she is a very healthy eater.

I used to wish that she could lose the weight for me and then I could have my body back and look fabulous. Then I could eat and eat and eat, switch again and be her, and so on. What a perfect way to deal with my eating issue.

At that time I just thought I didn’t have willpower, I had no idea the seriousness of which I was facing.

Final Thoughts

They say when you have a blog, you should write like no one’s going to read it. That’s certainly the case here.

So there you go, the truth about MY binge eating disorder.

Fun stuff, eh?

Does any of this sound like you? Find out more about yourself and your eating habits with self-discovery questions from:

• Could You Be a Compulsive Overeater?
• Why Do You Overeat?

Then check these out:

• 11 Tips for Compulsive Overeaters
• Binge Eating Disorder: What Is The Right Amount Of Food?
• How To Develop A Food Plan You Can Live With
• 19 Alternatives to Eating (When You’re Not Hungry But Really Want to Eat!)
• The 5 Best FREE Apps For Eating Disorder Recovery
• 18 Life-Changing Lessons Learned From My Eating Disorder